How’s it being an introvert?
Being an introvert is not easy.
The introversion comes out in full swing when you are with your okayish friends (calling them acquaintances would be harsh, but calling them good friends might be a euphemism). People chitchatting while you think to yourself why are you even here. With a smile on your face, you excuse yourself for some time but you can’t fake being busy and talking to no one on the phone for long. Unwillingly, you come back.
You pretend to listen with all ears to the people around you even though you are highly uninterested in the conversation. You won’t let that reflect on your face though, for you don’t want the things to get awkward. Fuck that, you even fake that you are super interested in his stories so that the other person feels he’s the most well-spoken, charismatic, and the most eloquent speaker present and hence he keeps on talking. No one but only you know the truth. The truth that you hardly give a rat’s shit to his words. The truth that you are only trying to listen so as to refrain from saying anything.
Though every so often, to not feel completely alienated, you try to come out of your comfort box and try to contribute to the conversation. Often it gets ignored, but sometimes it doesn’t and when it doesn’t, you are put in the spotlight. In a flash, you find all the eyes on you. The eyes looking at you with the expectation of continuing the conversation. Suddenly, you feel that a lot rests on your shoulders. Nervously when you open your mouth, whatever sounded extremely funny in your head comes out like a mere disappointment. People around you look at each other, fake a smile, and remark with ‘Anyway’ to change the conversation. The neurons in your head shit in their pants, questioning your decision to say anything when there was already a conversation going on.
To avoid further awkwardness, you think of a way out. With everyone’s consent, you take out your portable speakers, your forever saviour. You hastily turn on the Bluetooth of your phone and start playing the songs. Now some songs are universally loved, like Kabira or Phir se Udd Chala or Aaftaab, but then this list is not endless. So during the first song only, you begin to worry about the song you’d play after this list gets exhausted. Not to spend your energy on thinking about this, you bet on the shuffle — taking on whatever songs your phone decides to play. When you click on the next song, “Jo bhi mai” from the movie Rockstar starts playing. The lyrics make more sense than ever:
Jo bhi mai kehna chahun, barbaad kare alfaaz mere!
The neurons in your head clean up their shit and start to dance again.
